it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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