I think i peed on brittanys purse
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
