There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
