He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
