when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
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I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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