You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
worst night to have a conscience
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
