U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
