Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
