She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
