I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
