well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
