oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
