How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
