It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
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I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
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I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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