I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize