I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
They left me at home... I'm a liability
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
