I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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