11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
