I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
