wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
