ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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