I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
