Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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