all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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