As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
