My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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