His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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