I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
