is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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