sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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