you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
