Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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