I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
