i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
