yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You're my little dorito
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
