Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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