Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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