If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I believe in your delicious
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
