Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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