last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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