Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
