I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
