She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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