I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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