Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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