worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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