Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
