Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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