He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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