I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
