three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
