Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
