Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
