In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
