The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
