when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
