The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
