She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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