are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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