one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
