just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
