Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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