I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
