i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
