Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
