Life is so much better after having sex.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
