wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
