everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
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we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
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I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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