dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
