Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
