He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
