I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
