I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
