I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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