You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
