I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize