why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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