U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
